Monday, May 19, 2008

Meet "SAHW"

I am a SAHW that knows what she wants. She doesn't want to be a SAHM. All babies' daddies need not apply.

Smoked pot -- $20 Just FYI, sex is so incredible when you are high.
Did acid -- $20
Ever had sex at church -- $50
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you-- $20
Had sex with someone you met on My Space -- $1,000
Had sex for money -- $50
Vandalized something -- $500 Rank eggs+toilet papering her car counts esp if she tried to get with your bff's man.
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $50
Beat up someone -- $50 She fucked around with my man. Oh hell nah...
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $50 It was halloween. It happens.
Given money to stripper -- $20 Just doing my part to support the performing arts.
Been in love with a stripper -- $50
Kissed someone who's name you didn't know -- $100 Sure. why not.
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work-- $50
Ever drive drunk -- $20 Better me than the person who was unconscious
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $30 Who hasn't?
Used toys while having sex -- $30 Gotta keep my man happy in the sack
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $100 No comment because I obviously don't remember
Went skinny dipping -- $50 Thats like a right of passage in high school --> college right?
Had sex in a pool -- $20 It was so cold but it wasn't the water that gave me chills.
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $50 I gave myself the money for a cheek kiss. Sue me.
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $200
Cheated on your significant other -- $100 It was not my husband but still not proud of it
Masturbated -- $50 Gotta keep ME happy in the sack.
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend --$300
Done oral -- $50
Got oral -- $5 What goes around comes around. Just saying...
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving-- $25
Stole something -- $10 I was 5 years old! I really wanted that headband. It had sparkles.
Had sex with someone in jail -- $50
Made a nasty home video -- $50
Had a threesome -- $100
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $50 A memory I care not to revisit.
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $50 What if it was actually a $100? I stole it from my roommate's one-night-stand's wallet after he passed out on my dorm floor.
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $100
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $20
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $20 Yes. I do not believe you only get 1 true love.
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $20
Went streaking -- $50 In all my bouncing au natural DD glory.
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $50
Been arrested -- $100
Spent time in jail -- $500
Peed in the pool -- $20 Don't even try to convince yourself that you never have.
Played spin the bottle -- $20 Isn't this mandatory at junior high parties?
Done something you regret -- $100 Who hasn't? Maybe Mother Theresa? But I still think even she has skeletons.
Had sex with your best friend -- $500 My husband is my best friend. Doesn't get any cheesier than that.
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $50
Had anal sex -- $50
Lied to your mate -- $5 Don't kid yourself. And its not just you. He's lied to you too.
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $20 I admit it. What mate hasn't?

Bail me out! $2140

Be honest. Whats your bail?

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