Thursday, May 22, 2008

BOTB: To baby or not to baby that is the question

Unlike tweedle dee and tweedle dumb (more oftenly known as SAHW and SMILF or is that SMILF and SAHW?) I can't wait to be a mom. A real, live, shitting a watermelon out your cooch mom, preferably one of the SAH persuassion.

When I was younger and in my I'm "12 and I know everything phase" not much different from my current "I'm 25 and know everything phase" I pretty much told my Aunt she was useless because she was a SAHM and didn't do anything else. Open mouth insert foot Now, there's a big difference between the type of SAHM I want to be and the type she was. She was one of those prissy bitches who had a maid come by a few times a week, forced her husband to take the kids to school and practices an then had the balls to complain about how tough her life was. If I EVER become that much of a sniviling whiny craphole of a mom someone please just shoot me. TIA

I refuse to be like that because unlike my Aunt I actually love kids, I think they're even better than sliced bread. If I could somehow stay home with my someday babies I would be in heaven. Not because I'd get to be a lazy ass who did nothing with her life and complained about it, but because it would give me the opportunity to really be there for my kids, giving them all the love and tenderness and bitchslap ... I mean dicipline they could ever need. I want my kids to respect me, but at the same time know that they can come to me when they need something. I want to be there for every soccer game and every practice, recitle whatever it is I want to be there. I want to give up life as I know it so that my kids can have every opportunity I can provide them. Basically, I want to be like my parents.

My parents were seriously the perfect parents. Sure at 16 I thought they had their flaws, but looking back at my life I'm in awe of them because I was somehow lucky enough to have parents that would do anything and more for my brother and I. We were their world, their life, their everything. While on one hand we were spoiled with their love and time, we were always well rounded kids who could stand up for ourselves and were never spoiled with material things. Sure, my mom went to every store known to man to get me the silly TalkBoy (or whatever it was called) from Home Alone 2, but we certainly never got everything we wanted. My parents gave up 20 years of their life literally doing almost nothing for themselves because they were happier doing for us. If I can be half the parents they were and be half as in love with my hubs as they still are after 30+ years of marriage I will be one lucky bitch.

Which brings me to my current predicament. I want babies so very badly. I can't wait to have them. I not so secretly hope for an accident, but then I stop and think about the type of parent I want to be and I say to myself ohh fuck no. There is no way I'm ready to give up my life for anyone yet. My husband is even worse than I am, but at least he has the common sense to know it. I go through these wonderful phases of being blissfully unaware of all the consequences of shitting out babies, but then there are those days when I stop and say to myself umm, we're in debit, we live in the crappiest apt on the face of the earth and there's still so much I want to do before I give up everything for kiddies. What the hell am I thinking? I know I want them for selfish reasons at this point and that's the main reason I should wait.

How can you want kids so badly and stop yourself from being selfish enough to have them before you're ready? I know I know you're never really ready, but...On some level I feel like I'll never live up to my parents.

Hmm if only I could win the lottery I'd be set. I could buy a house, travel and pay off our debit all before having kids. I think if I got all that I might be read. Anyone know how to magically win the lotto? If you want to give me a million bucks that should do it too. Come on make my dreams of babies come true you know you want to.

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