Thursday, May 22, 2008

SMILF: Will starve for martinis

It's no secret to anyone around me that I am constantly obsessing over how I look. I am not one that has to dress to the nines every day or anything (or even to the eights for that matter....) but keeping my size 4 in check is constantly on my mind. I have to be the hottest SMILF at soccer games you know.

My one vice in life is having a cocktail after work on shitty days. Okay. Maybe that is a close second to my love of all things fashion, but they are all very close. Conversation that I have with myself at least once a week at work:

"I really want to reach over and drink that bag of M&M's." Yes, drink. As in, turn the bag completely upside down and just pour them in my mouth like a nice big glass of ice water on a hot day. But I don't do that. And you know why? Because I constantly have a calculator in my head of calorie intake

I then say to myself, "Nope, I don't want to use up 250 calories on this bag of M&M's because that is almost two martinis later and I want those way more!"
So, I promptly put down the bag and look forward to my martini that will replace the chocolately goodness later in the day.

Here I was thinking that I was being all smart. Not smart...really, I should replace both things with some veggies and fruit but that is what I live on in my life so a girl has to do what a girl has to do sometimes to get her fix. This morning I was reading my local news online as I always do when I should be working, and I come across an article about "Drunkorexia". It caught my eye. Doesn't that sound like some made up name that Perez Hilton or someone would name a celebrity who resembled a skeleton trying to sit on a bar stool at Bungalow 8 every night? But it's not. Defined:

Drunkorexia is a new slang term that describes the practice of restricting food intake in order to drink more alcohol.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. Wait a minute? Does my practice of making sure I don't have too many calories during the day so I can have my martini at night fall into this? It goes on further to say:

"If you are doing mental algebra to compensate or manage your drinking in response to your eating, simply that sign is worrisome."

Me doing algebra in my head at any point for any reason should be worrisome. So what the hell does this mean? They are now labeling people who cut down on food during the day to have drinks at night? Slow down medical field. I'm just trying to still look like SMILF Barbie and not have to be put on anxiety medicine. I've done the eating disorder thing before - this is not it.

I'm not trying to belittle this problem - I think eating disorders are a painful thing to go through so if this leads to that, then it could be a problem. But I know I am not the only woman out there who does this. Come on. Don't lie. And I can guarantee you that in college I led the "Drunkorexic" phase of skipping meals for alcohol. It's called, "Being 19 and a fucking idiot".

Anyone want to start up "DA" with me? Drunkorexics Anonymous? We can all be skinny and fabulous and drink martinis all night at the meetings. You know you want to.

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