Wednesday, June 18, 2008

SMILF: Awkward Situation

Yesterday afternoon my friend and I went for a walk (we took a “smoke break” – how about THEM apples?) We got all caught up on each other’s crazy lives as well as the latest company gossip. But when the following conversation occurred it left me with a “shit, wish I wouldn’t have heard that” feeling.

“So, if you knew that one of your friend’s husband’s was…um…unhappy or talking about stuff….”

“Like what are you trying to say here? Like talking about divorce, another woman, what??”

“Yeah, so let’s say that I heard that Robert was talking to someone about how you guys were having problems and he was offering himself up to go out with other women….would you want to know about that?”

After she confirmed for me that this was NOT my husband (geez bitch, can you get to that point early on in the conversation please…thaaaanks) she went on to tell me that a friend of hers had overheard a coworker of hers saying, “Yeah, my ex-fiancé told me the other day that he is having lots of problems with his family and his wife right now and he told me that if I ever wanted to hang out to let him know.” As it turns out, this woman is the ex-fiancée of our friend’s husband. This woman had no reason to just spout that off as she had no idea it would get back to anyone who knows our friend.

My point was that we shouldn’t tell our friend we heard this unless we had cold hard evidence that he was cheating on her or was for sure doing something that we felt was disrespectful to her. I am a big believer in normally not getting involved in other people’s relationships because you do not know the circumstances and I don’t feel like it’s my business. However, if I am out somewhere and I see one of my friends being cheated on or something, damn straight I am going to pick up my phone at that very moment (right after I go and kick him hard in the junk with my 4 inch stilettos). I’ve had it happen to me before (not Robert obviously) and I was glad that my friend called me and told me.

So now basically we have this awkward feeling around our friend (who has been acting weird lately anyway…hmm….) because we feel like we know something we shouldn’t know but don’t have enough evidence to say something to her. What do you do in these situations? Do you tell, do you not tell, do you wait like I am until I know 100% sure something is going on? We are just weirded out now.

I need to take “smoke breaks” more often. No wonder people do it so much if they get this good of gossip!


asecrettobluebamboo said...

You tell. My husband's ex-wife was cheating on him, and everyone knew it. No one said a word to him, and on some levels, their silence was more hurtful than the cheating. Even those poeple who suspected she was cheating didn't say anything to him, and he still doesn't understand why. It is pointless to keep your mouth shut, especially if the woman is a friend of yours. There are very tactful ways of discussing this, and if your friend is already acting wierd, she may know that something is up, and wonder if poeple are keeping things from her. Just my two cents ;)

nicoleantoinette said...

Ugh, this is a terrible situation. I hate, hate, hate knowing things that I don't want to know. But I think if it's true, you need to tell your friend. Just keep in mind that even if you're right, she might not want to be your friend anymore afterward.

SMILF said...

Blue Bamboo - You are right. I would be pissed if my friends knew and didn't tell me. Good point. I guess I just want more solid evidence...but maybe I shouldn't wait until it gets to that point. UGH.

Nicole - I hate it too. It's totally awkward...damn. I need a drink.

BOTB said...

Well i just typed a whole response and it deleted it. Basically when I dated the married guy everyone knew and no one told him. When his wife did find out she was pissed especially because her own brother knew and didn't say anything.

You have to tell her. you can't not say anything. That just makes her look dumb and you look like an ass in the long run

Joy said...

I'm not sure I'd say anything. I for sure wouldn't if I didn't know for 100% SURE. I just feel the way you found out was more like gossip. Gossip in the workplace is ugly. Maybe call your friend if your close and ask her to go to dinner or something. Check on her yourself and try and read her. If she’s acting “weird,” there could be a million things going on. Unless I was totally positive, I wouldn’t want to risk losing my friend because she might take the whole thing out on you and might never forgive you. Just my 2 cents worth.

SMILF said...

That was kind of my thought Joy - to wait until I heard something that 100% made me think something was going on. I know some might disagree with me but like I said, I'm weird about getting involved with other people's relationships anyway unless I feel it absolutely necessary.
Thanks for posting! :)

kweenmama said...

My two cents worth: Be her friend, listen if she wants to talk, don't say anything until you know 100%. If you find out that cheating is going on let her know, there are nasty diseases out there.

Vanessa said...

Oh wow, awkward! What an uncomfortable situation!

Vanessa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SMILF said...

kweenmama - Oh so true. People are so ignorant these days on so many levels!

Vanessa - Awkward is for sure. Thanks for stopping by!

IPG said...

You tell. If she is a good enough friend you tell.

If she is not a good enough friend or an enemy. You don't tell.