Tuesday, June 10, 2008

SMILF: Now You See Me, Now You Don't

Recently I stumbled across several "stepmom" blogs that are out there and I have to say, I am in heaven reading them. It is so good for me to realize that I am not the only one in the situation that I am, think the things I think (good or bad), and that other people are there to vent to who actually understand both the shitty and the great things that we go through as stepmoms. I mean, being a stepmom is honestly great a lot of the time, but I am not going to lie - it's not all roses and butterflies. Maybe in the beginning I had some warped view of how things would be, but once you are in it, things change and you often times wonder, "What was I thinking? Really? Am I really a stepmom? Am I really relying on some other crazy woman to rule part of my life?" But yes, I did it. I can think "what was I thinking?" all I want, but I fell in love with this man and then what was I going to do? Not marry this amazing man because of his kids? Some people might not. I did. And I am thankful every day for my life even on the bad days. Some days it takes several martinis for me to be sane. I won't lie.

Situations arise all the time that just push me over the edge. For example, let's discuss what I like to call, "Now you see me, now you don't" situation. Maybe not all of you stepmoms have been here but I'm sure some have.

When having small children, there are several events in which both sets of parents will be in the same vicinity. In our situation, it's not pleasant. For example, yesterday at Tyler's T-ball game, Robert handed me a baseball bat as he walked away and said, "Here, in case you need it." He left me with a weapon in the presence of E?! Bad idea Robert. I'm not afraid to use it. Okay, so I wouldn't use it, but in one of those fantastic Ally McBeal fantasies (remember those? Where in her fantasies it would show exactly what she WANTED to do no matter how insane? Loved that.) I walk right up to HER and whack her over the head hard for all of the things that she puts us all through on a daily basis due to her selfishness. In reality, I put a smile on my face and pretend that she doesn't make me want to puke just looking at her. They really should allow alcohol at T-ball games in my opinion. I digress...

With our kids, they are constantly having to baby E because she is a very needy person. She is the mom who has to call all of the time when the kids are at our house and I hear them tell her "I love you too" at least 4 times during a 5 minute conversation when really you can tell they just want to be watching Disney channel and not talking to her. She wants the kids to rely on her for everything and gives them guilt trips on any occasion that she possibly can. Therefore, when we are all in the same place, the kids sometimes get to where they are scared to talk to us or show affection to us because she is there and they don't want to upset her.

I will take this opportunity to tell you that under normal circumstances when the kids are with us, it's like they love us and can't get enough of us. WE are the parents and they love us to death and we have such a good time together. It's not as if though we have a bad relationship with the kids - quite the opposite. This being the case, when we are at events where their mother is also there and the kids act like they don't even know us, it hurts. Badly. They will walk right by us without even saying "hi" if E is around. It's like, okay, so last week I was good enough to wipe your nose, hold the bag while you threw up, brush your hair, tuck you in, play in the pool with you, take you to that party, and buy you a new outfit, but now all of the sudden you don't even see me here?? Now you see me, now you don't. As much as it hurts me, it hurts Robert 10 times more. Here he is, there to see his kids and they barely acknowledge him? But yet tomorrow when we see them, it will be like nothing was ever wrong and like they never even ignored us. Other people must see this go on and think, "wow, I bet that dad never even sees his kids" or "wow, he must not have a good relationship with his kids". NO! Not the case!!!

I understand that in these types of situations, it is not the kids fault. It is her fault for making them feel like they can't speak to two people who they love because it will hurt her. After all, let's not forget, it IS all about her, not the kids. (Gag) That is how she lives her life. Whatever will please her is what goes. All I can do is pray that as the kids get older they will realize how crazy she is and they will realize who were the good parents when they were younger and will continue to be throughout their lives. That doesn't make things easier right now. It pains me greatly to see Robert go through these situations. It also sucks for me - I am their "part time" mother and some days I'm nothing more than a person there at the ballpark I guess. Fun, huh? Hardly.

Stay tuned for more adventures in the world of being the "perfect" SMILF...thanks for listening.

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