SMILF: The "Big Blue Thing"

Saturday night the kids wanted to play with Tyler’s walkie talkies – the kids took one walkie talkie and Robert and I took the other. They were so excited to be playing this game as it tends to get pretty funny since Tyler hasn’t yet figured out that you don’t actually wrap your mouth AROUND the walkie talkie like you are trying to eat it, you just put your mouth next to the speaker. Anyway, the kids ran off and Robert and I stayed on the couch half watching TV, half paying attention to where they were going.

The game started and the kids were being goofy and singing songs and saying silly things to us and we were being equally as silly back. As I said, we weren’t sure exactly where they went to hide to play this game, but I wasn’t too worried about it. Until I get this come through from Sydney –

::static from walkie talkie:: “Hey guys – what is this big blue thing in your closet?”

::SHIT:: “Oh, that is for daddy to do his physical therapy on.” (Robert has had some back and neck issues recently so this isn’t SO farfetched). Damn. I’m still impressed with my quick thinking. Maybe wine is good for the mind.

“Oh, okay, because Tyler is playing on it. He’s slow dancing with it like it’s a girl that he likes or something.”

At this point I was about 3 drinks in for the evening so all I could do was laugh hysterically about this. What is so funny you ask? The “big blue thing” was not for back exercises at all. It was our Liberator. As in that sex toy that you can buy that is like a big foam wedge for all kinds of kinky-licious positions? It was hidden in our closet because no one besides us ever goes in there so we figured it was a safe place right? Apparently not.

The kids proceeded to be way too interested in the “big blue thing” and then brought it out into the living room floor to play with it. At this point, it was late, the kids were slap happy, Robert and I could only laugh at this point because really….what else are you going to do? Your kids are playing on your sex toy like it is some sort of jungle gym. Laying on it, jumping on it, pulling each other around on it – we did what any normal parents would do – we laughed our asses off and took a picture of it so we could laugh at this night for years to come. Robert did delete a couple because Sydney looked way too comfortable in sex positions in some of them (not meaning to of course...the innocence of children...ah....) Don’t worry – we aren’t totally sick. We only let this go on for about 10 minutes before we put the kibosh on the fun night with the Liberator.

I only hope that someday when they are old enough to know what things like Liberator’s are that they have long forgotten about this night. How traumatizing would that be knowing that you had rolled all over your dad and stepmom‘s sex jungle gym? No answer necessary.