SMILF: My Husband's Nuts

In an effort to be more healthy Robert has changed his eating habits quite a bit over the past 6 months. Around bedtime he always thinks he is wasting away to nothing and needs a snack. Let me take this opportunity to mention that he isn't the best at liking healthy snacks. He claims it's a texture thing - anything "cold and crunchy" he can't put into his mouth without wanting to gag. I get it. I can't eat mushrooms for the same reason.

One snack that he loves right before bed is mixed nuts. You would think this would be easy to pick up at the store, but they have to be a certain kind of mixed nuts. They have to be the "kind in the purple can...the generic ones. The ones that you buy at WalMart. They don't have peanuts in them." Apparently peanuts shouldn't be in mixed nuts. Who knew. So, the other night he gets out of bed around 10:30pm, goes to the cabinet to get his nuts, and comes back in the bedroom.

"These are in a black can. I like the ones in the purple can. The ones in the black can say, "Less than 50% peanuts" and the ones in the purple can don't have peanuts."

"Yeah, I didn't go there this week so I had to get those."

He then gets back up out of bed and he comes back with the can of mixed nuts and a pizza pan. In bed. At 10:30 at night. I look up from reading my trashy chick lit book and say, "What are you doing with a pizza pan in bed?" He then dumps the entire can of peanutty mixed nuts onto the pizza pan. I kept reading and I noticed that he is now sitting up in bed seperating these nuts onto two seperate portions of the pizza pan. He does this for about 20 minutes. I asked him what he was doing again and he says, "Seperating these nuts." He continues for a little while longer, looks up at the can again and shakes his head and says in disbelief, "They SAY "less than 50%" peanuts" on this can but judging by this (pointing at the pizza pan of nuts in my bed), that isn't true. Why do you think they say that? Maybe they don't think anyone will actually count."

REALLY? You think? Who does that?! I'm sure they weren't worried about lawsuits from people claiming false advertising on these cans of mixed nuts because really there might be more like 70% peanuts instead of the 50% that they say are in there. I married a man who counts nuts in bed on a pizza pan. I am one lucky woman. (No really, I am a lucky woman, but things like this are just funny).